*~[~MY LIFE~]~*

Saturday, September 20, 2008

[[One step at a time]]

Hi.. it has been long since my last post. (as usual)
I guess I am only using this as a way for me to vent all my frustrations on
and of course good things that worth remembering. :):):)
After a major breakup with Gerard in August,
I kinda of get closer to a group of girls.
What is really wonderful is all of us got together or rather got closer when I needed someone the most..
So i am really grateful that they was there when I was super down and helpless.
None of them finds me a burden and tried their very best to pull me up.
I owed them a lot i must say and so they are my dearest in Sydney!
Another thing worth remembering is all the members in the group were not close to one another beforehand, each of them come together to make this group work.
We learn about each other differences and try to make the best out of it.
Of course I really hope that our group will maintain our no 'politics' policy..
and continue to love each other as much!
Nonetheless I will also try my very best to make this ongoing! :)
I must say I have not been that happy like now.. I really didn't know I will find them so I guess God is quite lenient to me! HEE

Well that is something worth making me proud of.
Here comes something that needs a little bit of help.

Actually I don't know how to put it.

[ V O N ] |Saturday, September 20, 2008|

_____________

Sunday, May 04, 2008

[[]]

It is just disappointing to know that my predictions came true.
You guys rather choose to be the nice people in everyone's eyes at the sake of betraying my trust, our friendship.
Let alone saying that in front of me, you guys sided me.
But behind me, everything is just the opposite.
And I still have to hear all these from other people.
The vulnerability of friendship..

[ V O N ] |Sunday, May 04, 2008|

_____________

Friday, April 04, 2008

[[All Alone]]

Hopefully no one gets to read it this time..
Sheryl if you are reading this, please close this window now.
(I waited for a few days to post this up since I have told you I have revamped my blog and the reason is to hope that you thought that I have lost interest in blogging again.)
Because maybe you are right, this method might be the most therapeutic mtd for now.
But you are the last person whom I want you to read this.

Many things have happened recently..
and I am really at the lost of words now.
Friends in Singapore might still think that I am having a wonderful life in Sydney,
and I hope that all of you will continue to think so.
But in reality, my presence somehow is insignificant here.
Many times, I am so sure that if I vanished into thin air in that moment,
no one will even notice and rather bother.
Recently, when I thought things were getting better, things started to change for the worst again.

I seriously doesn't understand what kind of responsibility should I have in these shitty things that happened.
Somehow, all these just questions me whether most of the friends who I have all along are superficial.
Are we friends just because we are studying together or are we friends that is why we are studying together?
I'm starting to lose trust, or rather I have already lost trust.
But this feeling is totally unbearable.
Today, I stay at home, trying to sleep off the whole day so I can just forget the whole incident of betraying and backstabbing just to win more friends.
Somehow, I just wonder why there isn't any of my so-called friends standing up for me?
Why isn't there anyone of them believe in me?
Why will they believe in things lying before their eyes but not in me?
The one who they know..
Have I changed or have they?
Somehow, I just feel that all of them are afraid of troubles and are really happy with their current life that they wouldn't even bother to make any justification for me.
So good for them then.
Maybe, seeing me will only add to their guys trouble, so just forget about me as a friend then.
Do they even treated me as their good friend all these long? Or am I the only one who is treasuring them?
I am 100percent sure, I have never speak ill of them until now.. but are they doing the same thing?
And I am 100percent sure that I will definitely stand by them when such things happen.
But maybe some things, even when you put in 100percent, you will not get 100percent of the result.
And the worst thing is I am not even the cause of the trouble.
Seriously, I don't understand what have I done to deserve these.
Most of the people are involved, but just happened we are the ones who got exposed.
And the reason why we are the only ones to get expose is because some of the people who don't like that person is in the same house as her.
So naturally they will not reveal themselves but us.
Think about it, if they never ask us about her in the first place and was questioning her character, why will we tell them?
Are we that dumb?
But why when things turn bad, we are the one who is responsible for these but not them?
And they could even spent their life so happily still?
But what's wrong with not liking someone?
Doesn't everyone don't like somebody before?
And why will this thing only happen after I begins to change my opinions of that someone?
Maybe life is fucking unfair I guess.
Politics politics,
I am just the sacrifice of you.
I'm so tired..
So worn out until I am totally unaffected by people's feeling anymore.. or rather sensitive to people around me.
I just feel that all the friends I have now is at such a superficial level that I do not really need to care so much about them anymore..
Everyone have their own groups of good friends.. and I am the only one who is losing all my good friends day by day.
I used to hope that maybe one day, my good friends (whom I thought we always are..) would stand up for me..
But I guess this will never happen anymore.
Maybe at the end of the day, after losing faith in friends, I just have to count on myself.
I just can't understand, why am I always the one who have to deal with such things?
Can't I have a group of good friend and don't have to worry about them leaving me?
Can I have true friends who are free of politics?
God if u really do have a plan for everybody, can you tell me what's mine?
Because I am really breaking down soon.
I am left with nothing, nothing to lose anymore.
Friends this word just don't apply to me anymore.
Can someone please save me?
Can someone just realise maybe I'm just the sacrifice in exchange of your laughter?
Tomorrow is the birthday for one of friends in my ex-group, the group that I thought we will last forever..
But I guess I will not be invited anymore, and I guess from tomorrow onwards, everyone will know that Yvonne is such a loser or thinks that I am some shit person for things that are not even my fault.
I guess I really have to celebrate my 21st birthday alone this time, because no one will ever be bothered here.
Right, that's pathetic. I know.

P.S. If anyone just happen to read my blog, please do not ask me anything after this.
I have lost all my friends, but I still have my dignity.

[ V O N ] |Friday, April 04, 2008|

_____________